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observing [21 Nov 2003|11:28am]
Its cool when you just go around and read everyones journal and see how all different people have all these diff views on lives so far ive read sid, bec, lauren, and christie , and even my last one from idk wen idk just a thought everyones aat a different place in life.
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Hopless [27 May 2003|07:23pm]
Wellll i cant really explain wat i feel anymore cus i dont know how to put it in words, but its just not happiness anymore. No one brings my happines no more =( just feel so shocked, betrayed, hopeless,and so many other words that i just cant type out. Its so much easier to not live at all if only i had the guts to end it all *sigh* nothings made me happy lately since i found something out. I dont know wat to make of it , but i just plan to make my own life. Idc how people may think of what i feeel, its just wat i feel and that is that. Everythings so twisted and im all confused, my life or this damn world dont make sense no more. i just wanna disappear and never come bak. Id know who really miss me and who was temporary. As each day passes i feel like im in a deeper whole forcing my selves to do things so i dont have break out of routine and make things obvious about wat i feeel inside but just comes to a point where u cant stand it anymore. Nothing to look forward to at skool at home at life NOTHING! I just wanna be swept off my feet for a change and dissapear with my soulmate whoever she may be. U ever just wanna cry but no tears ever come out??? i feel like that alot lately. I rarely drop tears anymore but on the inside i cry and scream with no one to hear it. And it does no good to talk about it cus people dont take my problems serious its always just dumb to them and they just dont understand wat i feel and wat i think. but thats ok . Ill just live my life day by day not really caring much. So tired of the way things are, i want change==( I just wanna burst out in tears and cry like a baby sometimes and clear my mind and heart and not think anymore!! Life is no real pleasure anymore.
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Enlightenment [26 May 2003|03:41am]
Hey folks! that is to whoever reads this thing which i think is no one lol , idc well just thinkin , thinkin alot lately about life its just so weirds and i always have these different thoughts , and emotions its like im driving myself crazy sometimes. I wish i didnt think so much sometimes or atleast wonder why i feel the way i do sometimes and why i think about so much at one time. i guess thats just growing up though . I dont even know why im writin her i never do , weird idk just guess i wanted to release my mind well adios my ghost readers im out
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survey get to know me =) [16 Mar 2003|09:42pm]
[ x ] Spell your first name backwards - odraude
[ x ] The story behind your LJ user name - nothing i just made it up=P
[ x ] 4 words that sum you up - real,goofy,corny,caring
[ x ] Wallet - plain black leather wallet with picks and other stuff inside rarely has money lol

[ x ] Hairbrush - i just use w/e is in the bathroom
[ x ] Toothbrush - silver with rubber grip
[ x ] Jewelry worn daily - dont wear it everyday but silver neclace and bracelet
[ x ] Pillow cover - basketball
[ x ] Blanket - chicago bulls
[ x ] Coffee cup - i dont drink that stuff!
[ x ] Sunglasses - dont use them , dont have them
[ x ] Pants - regular jeans
[ x ] Purse - dont have one
[ x ] Favorite top - get to the guy questions!
[ x ] Cologne/Perfume - stetson,musk, and tommy
[ x ] CD in stereo right now - none
[ x ] Tattoos - dont have any but might get one wen im marry
[ x ] Piercings - none
[ x ] What you are wearing now - shorts and tshirt
[ x ] Hair - idk jsut normal
[ x ] Makeup - hot pink lipstick lmao j/p i crack myself up =P

WHO or WHAT (was/is/are)
[ x ] In my head - who is in my head -- alot of people
[ x ] Wishing - just have a happy life and i can get the things i truly want
[ x ] Person you wish you could see right now - my family in cuba
[ x ] Is next to you - huh?
[ x ] Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month - dont know yet =\ i dont look forward to much
[ x ] The last thing you ate - wendys
[ x ] Something that you are deathly afraid of - waste of my life and not being or doing anything
[ x ] Do you like candles - yeah very romantic =P
[ x ] Do you like hot wax - Not really
[ x ] Do you like the computer - its ok =)
[ x ] Do you believe in love - yeah
[ x ] Do you believe in soul mates - yeah
[ x ] Do you believe in love at first sight - umm idk never happend to me but u never know
[ x ] Do you believe in Heaven - yeah but sometimes i have doubts i hate wen i do =\
[ x ] Do you believe in forgiveness - depends on wat the person did and if they're truly sorry
[ x ] What do you want done with your body when you die - lol idc just burry me
[ x ] Who is your worst enemy - criminals,people that start shit
[ x ] If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be -a dog
[ x ] What is the latest you've ever stayed up - all nite
[ x ] Ever been to Belgium - nope
[ x ] Can you eat with chopsticks - no but i wanna learn
[ x ] What's your favorite coin - quarter cus its worth the most
[ x ] What are 5 places you wouldn't mind relocating to - cuba,florida, lol idk jsut somewhere nice
[ x ] What are some of your favorite pig out foods - chips candy popcorn lol
[ x ] What's something that you wish people would understand - to be considerate and show respect
[ x ] What's something you wish you could understand better - why certain stuff in the world has to happen
[ x ] Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time - My family in cuba=(
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Valentines Day [14 Feb 2003|08:52pm]
sorry long time no write here but today is the day of love a very special day indeeed so i must update=)Today started off by freezing my ass of walkin with my babys valentine stuff to skool then wen i got there and we got to my locker she gave me my gift soooo nice a shirt with a heart and our names =*)sweetest gift i ever got =) i walk in the hall with it and everyone was reading it saying awww and one of the guys from the football team was like "ur the man" cus i got a grl that loves me =)ahhh that just makes my day =) i got her flower wich she left in first period all day =( but she did carry my bear around =) i plan on seeing her outside of skool but things ant work as plan=*( but its ok =) she the sweetest thing ant she =) i wanna thank becca and nella for the valentine stuff they gave me to i appreciate it all thanks buddies =) I love my baby *mauh* damn i miss her *sigh*
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LIFE [21 Jan 2003|09:49pm]
ooo wat to write but about other than how cold this world can be people today raised with no respect, they rather hustle,steal or w/e instead of get they lazy ass up and get a job i mean damn u got welfare and still cant help urself wtf!!! all yall can kiss my ass if u know ur one of the people im talkin about i dont give a fuck!! think about wat u doing next time u wanna steal someone stuff or hustle for the $ life ant all about the damn money and if u need it so bad cus ur stomach hurts they is shelters all over and work for the food nothing lower than stealing and robbin and hustling puttin more drugs and shit on the street u just making it worse and worse with no future for ur kids if u even care!! All of yall are the scum of society . I wish nothing but love for everyone but get ur damn act right and have some morals and self respect!! *sigh*
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nothing [12 Jan 2003|10:10pm]
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Wat happened in 2002?? [30 Dec 2002|10:16pm]
what hapeened in 2002?? hmm lets see January- midterms, got stranded on the other side of the city on a corner for a couple hours lol but was worth it =)nephews birthday,sisters birthday February- dad,grandpa,grandma and sisters birthday, Valentines day my baby got me micky and minny mouse stuff animal which i sleep wid everynite=)March- boring dont member much of it April- confess my love to my baby she says "NO!" ouch =\ reheasing for romeo and juliet play got my shiny white sneakers which i love haha =)May- did the Romeo & Juliet play was alot of fun my baby came to see me, met my family =) good thing!! we pick our star *tears* so sweet =) June- finals =( summer vacation =D miss my baby =( July- Darien lake trip wid all my buddies and my baby very fun =)August- football practice began became a captian very spcial accomplishment for me =)lots of dj'ing bored my brothers birthday September- bak to skool =\ but i got to be wid my baby =) september 7th she finally told me she loves me too *tears* happiest day of my eddie life=)lots of bike rides from west side to east side lol Ocotober- football games My birthday =) my baby got me the really nice sweater =) made me feel special that day =) halloween boring stay home doin homework dad went to cuba November- Thanksgivin foot ball season ended we finished 8-1 good record =D sports banquet got to be with my baby b4 that cus she came over =)DECEMBER- good month=) BROKE is agood way to describe christmas shooppin and for my baby birthday =) got to be with her =*) never forget it as long as i live special day for me =)DECEMBER 21 ONE YEAR ANNIVERSERY wid my baby =*) Christmas comes presents trees family was kool but still felt empty witout my baby =(
OVER all rating for this year from 1-10
10 because even though all the bull shit and the drama I go out wid my baby and found true love something that some people wait a life time to find =)
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Happy Holidays [25 Dec 2002|04:41pm]
Happy Holidays everyone =) its suppost to be Happy holidays but i feel so sad and lonely without my baby and she thinks she has no one wenever something happens but im here!! =( *sigh* I love her so much!! I just hope she know that and im here for you baby to help u "breathe" so please dont forget that !!=) Happy holidays everyone i hope its good for all of yall i just want my baby for christmas so if anyone lookin to get me somethin that would be great!!
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VERY HAPPY =D [21 Dec 2002|09:28pm]
[ mood | excited ]

OMG TODAY IS ME AND MY BABY'S ONE YEAR ANNIVERSERY!!!! =*) I love you so much Sid!! *muah* ahhhh it's a good feeling to have someone by your side who you know loves you as much as you love them and get to just smile at each other cus we know everyone whos attempted to ruin wat we have has failed =)I just hope that we keep loving each other more and more and can have all our dreams come true =) She got me a card and a tie for our anniversery =) ant she so sweet. It has special meaning cus I told her I only had one in my whole house and it was my dad wen i wore one to an award cerimony last year and she remembered and got me one =) that just shows how much she really cares and pays attention =) I wrote her a poem and got her a heart necklace with a lil diamond in the center =) Im jsut glad she liked it. People ask me why i wanna be with the same person so long, and why i dont test my waters , and tell me to not get so serious so young but all i have to say is Why change something thats already perfect =) when im with her i feel like i can do anything like i've got a reason to go on and wen shes in my arms i feel whole cus shes my other half and now this special day has come =) I love you so much baby *french* My dreams are coming true =)

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Pissed [11 Dec 2002|10:34pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

I can't stand hyppcrites!! I dont care if u read this or not Mr.Morris Im not fake I dont pretend to like someone wen I dont. Ok this is how it all started. Today Morris was tellin us some of the questions that might show up on our test so wen he told us and Sidnee didnt finish one of them and she asked me what the rest of the question is and I told her trying to help another student he gets and attitude with me! I mean come on now everyday he wastes atleast 20 minutes talkin about stuff that has nothing to do with English and he gets an attitude with me cus i wasted 30 seconds of his damn precious time to actually help someone about English!! wat the hell is that ?!!? urrgh I calm down but that was just the first one. Then a little later in the class he reminded us about that 10 page report we have to do after Christmas Break, and we all complained and stuff and I said "man and we got alot of global too." and hes gonna curse at me telling me not to bitch about it and single me out the whole class like I was the only one complaining! I didnt disrespect him so he didnt have to disrespect me but it all good not cus he lost the respect I had for him so for now on Morris u can kiss my ass! fail me i dont care im not gonna pretend to be buddy buddy with you after that, im still gonna do my work but im not gonna chat or have nothing to do with you so w/e idc !!! Im real! not a fake hypocrite! so ha!

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Happy Birthday!! [07 Dec 2002|10:42pm]
Happy Birthday baby!! aww my baby turn 14 today (well she really turn 15 but shhh yall ant hear that from me lol) anyways aww I gave her the gift i got her yesterday it was an outfit took me forever to pick it out haha but she said she likes it and thats all i care about =) She better not just be saying she like it either! haha =) She was gonna be all alone on her birthday can u belive that! but her brother drove her to my house and we got to be together! =D I love her so much !! I wish i could be with her all the time =) *sigh* Last night I went to go dj it was kool got me some money =P tomorrow i have to go to a toy show with my grandpa which is kool cus i dont get that much time with him anymore =\ Hey i might even see justin there cus i saw him there last year =) it was kool ahah man i had this math quiz on friday urggh i ant do to good on it cus i ant know how to do the first 3 =\ i got to get bak to my nerdy ways!! wasup wid me man *sigh* but im happy got to see my baby and be wid her on her birthday =) *sigh* Love you baby!! *muah*
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BROKE [30 Nov 2002|11:50pm]
It's official Im broke haha and i dont even feel bad about it ant that funny?=P i guess its cus i bought stuff for the people i really care about =) I wish i had more money so i could buy all my real friends presents too but I only had enough for my family and my baby =) I hope everyone likes wat i got them cus it took alot of thought hahah but if they dont its no sweat i wont be mad or sad cus i got receipts for everything haha oo forgot about thanks givin it was ok just make myself feel fatter thats all =P ooo Guess wat ?? Last night in my neighberhood there was a black out lol ghetto life its tough man=D ahhh I finally finish that damn global packet yesterday too! i hate that bitch!! anyways Gabe popped over my house today for a couople minutes his crazy ass drivin around no permit or shit lol but thats my boy though ever since 6 grade i got his bak he got mine. He smart as hell just lazy to do the work haha thats my boy though! I got u gabe the babe (*_~) aight im sleepy goin to bed !
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Day before people stuff themselves [27 Nov 2002|09:18pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Well tomorrow is Thanksgiving Im gonna try not to eat to much cus i cant afford to gain anymore weight=\ man this vacation is gonna suck! I started that global packet but i only did 2 pages its so fuckin big! I hate Ms.Kane while im stuck doing the packet over the break her fat ass is still gonna be stuffin her face wid food! Ahhh im so bored there ant nothing to do=\ I miss my baby and she cant call me alot cus her dads home=\I hope Rebecca had a safe trip to Paris! I hope I do something fun over the break. I still have to go shopping and buy lots of gifts which means my pockets are gonna be empty again =P o well Its better to give than to receive =) Especially to the people I care about. Today I really ant do nothing my body is still so soar I wish i had my baby here she can massage me ahah make me feel all better =) Ahh I miss her! Guess wat?!!? my favorite rapper DMX wrote a biography of his life and has a new cd coming out in december I cant wait till the book comes out! Finally something i wanna read haha I dislike reading cus it just bores me but wen i find the right book i cant put it down and this will be one of those books! I watched everybody loves raymond haha its so funny I love that show!thanks to my baby she got me into it =) thanks sweety! I was sitting around thinking today about my future and I just dont wanna settle for average I got such big dreams and im scared I wont be able to achieve them. I guess i just doubt myself to much I always think negative about myself i wish i thought different but i just cant no matter how hard i try but its good in a way cus i cant get big headed=\ ahhh idk why im saying this just pops in my head. Lifes a mystery

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1st but not the last =) [26 Nov 2002|09:53pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

Hey wasup people! It's the one and only *drum roll* Ditocuba. well idk this feels weird just writing about my day and my feelings onlilne where anyone can see it but I have no choice really cus I'm being forced by my baby =) and my buddy 2 B's so im not puting up a fight lol ahhh thanks guys =) well today I was soar as hell cus i was lifting weights yesterday and i lifted more today =P I feel the pain but see no results =\ o well im gonna keep trying! Today after skool was nice I got to spend time with My Love =) we went to salvatores and I made her eat the whole slice of this big pizza she had sausage i had onion on mine and they kept fallin off haha and we just chilled ther for a while talking and just enjoying each others company. And we switch seats cus we ant wanna face the window so people could stare at us lol. well we walked bak and got my bike and went to the bus stop. My baby was on my bike riding to the bus stop and couldnt stop and started rollling down the hill and I had to chace after her and i was laughin at the same time cus it was so funny. And I could barely walk today since im so soar let alone chase someone on a bike down a hill lol. But it was fun =) We got on the bus and it was so crowded! I'm the type of person to give up my seat for the elderly or a woman first but my baby wouldnt let me. The way I look at it by me helping someone I'll be helped later on in life or someone else will give up their seat for someone I care about. I like helping people and doing the right thing that I believe in. But anyways, we got off the bus and I walk her to the R.R tracks like I always do and had a sweet kiss good bye and i watch her walk down the street ahhh she so beautiful =) I dont know wat i would do without her! The thought can break me so I try not to think of it. I then drove my bike home it was cold man! but i drove by Eastman Palace its so beautiful where they got the benches and the lights I wanna take my baby their so bad and just sit and talk with her for hours! I finally got home and lay down and fell asleep lol cus my ass is tired. So wat u think of the first entry?? I still feel weird i rather write this in my own personal journal but Ill give this a try. Thanks for the help my baby and my buddy =)

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